clinging to dreams
by Cookies and Ink
Summary: The only time that she felt calm and safe, was when she was sleeping. [tw: implied suicide]


**A/N:** Written for August 2018's Romance Awareness. Day 19: Your soulmate is dead and the only way you two can see each other again is in your dreams.

Other prompts and challenges are listed below so as not to give anything else away.

 **WARNING:** Implied Suicide and online bullying.

Word Count: 879

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 **clinging to dreams**

Roxanne's phone buzzed. Each indigo notification glowing on the screen made her heart sink.

 _Remind me to have her drug tested. If she actually believes that, she must be on something for sure. Utter rubbish._

 _Next time you film a video, close your mouth, please, Roxanne. You are not a codfish - although you're as ugly as one lmao._

 _No wonder her animagus form is an elephant,,,,, look at those thighs cwl._

She deleted them all off her phone screen and switched it off, tears in her eyes. She had started her YouTube channel under a year ago, but now Roxanne wanted to end it all. The more she thought about it, the less she could decide if she meant just her channel or everything.

It had all started when Roxanne had done an episode about complicated magic and how it didn't always pan out how people thought. Her channel was protected, part of Magical YouTube that was still quite unknown in the general magical world. Roxanne had spent days working on the video and then even longer editing it.

All she had wanted to do was to help people.

She was one of the youngest Animagii in the world, but as Roxanne had explained in the video when she'd found out that her Animagus form was an elephant, it had really surprised her and shaken her up.

The video had been intended to show people it was okay to be different.

Instead, it went viral and the ridicule she received was overwhelming. She'd put protective wards around her house to try and stop the Howlers and owls. People claimed she was bragging, other people just wanted to mock her large Animagus form. There was racism, sexism… She was just tired.

Her channel had gone from something she had been so excited for, to something she cringed at and loathed to check. Roxanne barely left the house, even the magazine she worked for had told her to take some time off because they were getting too much bad press.

The only time that she felt calm and safe, was when she was sleeping.

In dreams, she was held by her soulmate Lee Jordan. He had died during the Battle of Hogwarts, protecting some younger students. Her Dad had told her all about him but Roxanne's dreams had only started when she'd turned seventeen.

They met in different places. Her favourite was on a beach that Lee told her was in Mauritius where his grandparents were from. Roxanne fell back against the pillow, reached for some sleeping potion and gratefully drifted back into dreams.

"It feels like barely any time has passed," Lee said when he appeared by her side. They were on a cobbled street, with the mist in the air making the houses around them hazy.

"It hasn't," Roxanne admitted. "I woke up and the notifications, the comments… I just don't want to do it any more, Lee. I don't think I've got the strength to fight this any more."

Lee held her and they sat on a bench that had appeared by them. They'd both learnt to control the dream world.

Having a soulmate who was dead was another thing that made Roxanne bitterly upset. Her twin brother Fred had passed away when they were seven, an attack of dragon pox which had broken up her parent's marriage apart. Her Dad travelled so much that she only saw him at Christmas now and her Mum had never been the same since her brother's passing.

Roxanne had always felt like she was on her own until she'd met Lee and every time she woke up she remembered that he wasn't technically real. Still, in the dream world, she tried not to bring her troubles with her. They had learnt to play around, to distort what was around them and Roxanne was happy to say that they were getting rather good. Lee was handsome, gorgeous even and he made her laugh freer than anyone else ever had.

Lee always held her tighter when she felt herself about to wake up and leave.

Roxanne was clever but she was also so tired. Mocking emails filled her inbox and she was told to leave her local apothecary because she had bought too much sleeping potion that month. She didn't know what to do and told Lee that. He didn't tell her to come to him, but Roxanne knew that he was thinking it.

She spent two weeks researching soulmate AUs, reincarnation and legends.

None of it could be proven.

All Roxanne knew was that she was alone, the things she was proud of in her life had come to nothing and every time she opened her eyes she hated the world she was living in.

"Roxy, you're… something's different!" Lee exclaimed. She felt more solid when she held him, kissed him and then laid her head against his chest.

"I had no other choice," she said, tears filling her eyes. It was a mixture of sadness and relief which left her sobbing in his arms. "I had no other choice."

Her body was found several days later, still with a smile on her face. But that was not how it ended for Roxanne. In the land of dreams, she spent time teaching him how to become an Animagus. They shaped and changed the world around them, a girl and boy deeply in love, both of them discarded by the world they were born in. Sometimes they ran, hand in hand along a beach. At other times an elephant could be seen walking through the forest, with a brightly coloured parrot perched on her head.

They were together, happy and Roxanne finally felt alive.

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 **A/N:**

Disney Challenge: Q3. "Close your mouth, please, [name]. You are not a codfish."

Lyric Alley: 2. Hide away, they say

Ami's Audio Admirations: 9. Write about someone fascinated with the media.

Angel's Arcade: 15. (color) indigo, (au) reincarnation, (dialogue) "I had no choice."

Em's Emporium: 15. (au) Podcast/YouTube.

Lo's Lowdown: D2. "Remind me to have her drug tested."

Bex's Bazaar: B2. Write about someone being an elephant animagus.


End file.
